How to deal with a Raykinian prince
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
I'm not a hard person to read at all. If I'm angry, it's more how I keep a handle on it and don't show it. Even then I'm still pretty obvious.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
That depends entirely on who you are. If you're the one who's made me angry, then just go away until I've cooled down. Don't apologise, at least not immediately, because that's just an invitation for me to tell you where you went wrong. Don't try and argue until I've cooled down, because I'm not a great listener when you're pissing me off. Just go away and come back in a day or two, then try arguing.
Otherwise, I'm generally not bad at keeping a lid on it. I hate people who take their anger out on those who didn't cause it, so as long as you don't deliberately aggravate it, then you're fine. If I know you well enough, I'll probably whinge at you about it for a bit. If I'm whinging at you, then you know me well enough to tell me to sweep the desert. I don't like being angry or frustrated, so it doesn't happen often. In most cases, beer solves all.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
You won't pick it, honestly. 'May can, but she's different. In which case, carry on as normal. I'm best off when I have something to cheer me up, anyway.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Magic. Whether you're agreeing with me or not, the whole topic just makes me uncomfortable. Beyond that... there's stuff I'd rather not discuss, but I can take it.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
Same as ever. I've never been sick to the point where I can't get out of bed (near-fatal snakebite as a child non-inclusive), but I imagine in that case I'll be bored out of my skull and grateful for any human company. Unless I'm contagious, clearly.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
A seemingly endless list! Talking about things that aren't related to politics. Complimenting me on something I know you're an authority on. Mocking blade archers. If you're coming into my office for a meeting, bringing a bottle of beer in with you is a good start. I'm not a hard man to please, really.
Buying me a beer at the pub is pointless, though, unless it's your round. So many people try and use it as something to crack a coconut and start conversation. You don't need that. Just start talking to me, honestly. I'm a prince all the time. I don't have down-time.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
With a biiiig party at the 'Thrai on the eve of. Some day, I'll convince Kal to bring a few kegs to the palace and do something in the courtyard. The bigger, the better, really. On the day of, I'll probably hibernate until maybe lunch time, then just a general 'happy birthday' will always go down well. Recognise my birthday however you want, I won't turn it away. Oh, except for the traditional 'never spend your own money on your birthday' thing. I'm exempt from that because, again, crown prince. Of course I buy my own beer.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
That's always a hard one. New and interesting beer. If I've never heard of it, then it'll at least be an experience tasting it, even if it's not anything spectacular.
Unwelcome, anything ornamental or is just you showing off. The big impress doesn't impress me. I've been to northern Kazin and to Llayad, remember.
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Nup, nothing like that. I don't remember difficult dates by their... date. If that makes sense. Things might remind me late in Winter that it's been another year since Naraan was killed, but I wouldn't call it difficult.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Same again. I might get to a certain point and realise 'hey, I've been in the Own for four years now' or something like that, but it's no cause for celebration. Just a minor feel-good moment.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
Just relax, people, I'm not that pedantic! I say this mostly to the wives of the firing squad, especially... no, all three of you. When I say 'just give me a cold beer and I'm happy,' I genuinely mean it. Aari, your kids are spoiled brats, but that's a reflection on Gylepi, not you. And I'm more of a spoiled brat than the pair of them combined, anyway. Honestly, and without any fibre of sarcasm, cold beer and I'm happy.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Yeah, that one's complicated. Your best and most direct shot is to call in at the 'Thrai some time after sunset, I'll try and sort out what I can there, but obviously bear in mind that it's a pub.
If you're wanting something more formal, you'll have to go through the routine of booking a meeting through Dagani, sort of secretarial guy for me, Majesty, Haoi and a half-dozen of the lead ministers. Just please don't take it out on him if your booked meeting gets pushed back because of visiting Kazinians or, I don't know, budget meetings or something. I'm as frustrated by attending those meetings as you are, and I swear I'll eventually get around to you, but you have to understand that some things have to take precedence.
If you see me around and I don't look like I'm in a rush to get somewhere, or if my office door is open, then feel free to chat.